Golf

September 1, 2002
The unstoppable Piven and Borgenicht are at it again, producing another in the seemingly endless series of "Worst-Case Scenario" books. This time, the authors turn their attention to the potentially disastrous holiday season, and the result is more or less the same-an entertaining quick read in the bookstore aisle. To be fair, though, this volume does contain some interesting information: for instance, it's good to know how to extinguish a burning turkey, put out a grease fire, drive in a blizzard, handle a canceled flight, "repurpose" a fruitcake, and resize a Christmas tree. Some readers will welcome this addition to the Worst-Case family, as the books make reliable all-purpose gifts and their oddball advice (how to dodge an angry reindeer, how to "thwart gift snoopers") is always good for a few chuckles. Those who've reached their saturation point with the genre, though, may very well wonder when someone will release a book explaining how to repurpose one of Piven and Borgenicht's ubiquitous guides.

March 5, 2001

Just in time for summer travel, the hyperimaginative and slightly paranoid authors of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook, 1999's favorite gift book, deliver what will no doubt become popular airport reading for stranded passengers in 2001. Starting with the cheery statistic that "more than 50 percent of all travelers run into problems," and the basic advisory to "always be ready for the worst," the book presents concise and extremely knowledgeable "how-to" assistance on a range of topics: e.g., stopping a runaway train, surviving a hostage situation, escaping from a car hanging over the edge of a cliff, surviving in a plummeting elevator, navigating a minefield, crossing a piranha-infested river, treating a severed limb, removing a leech and even foiling a UFO abduction. Like their earlier handbook, the success of each entry is based on the authors' ability to provide detailed and truly helpful advice on even the most outlandish or horrific situation and make the reader think, "Sure, I could successfully crash-land a small propeller plane on water, or easily climb out of a deep well, or locate and treat individual bleeding arteries on the stump of a severed arm. Nothing to it!" Their delivery evinces a calm precision that even the most worried traveler will find reassuring if faced with one or more of these eventualities, such as trying to escape when tied up ("When your captives start binding you, expand your body as much as possible") or encountering an extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE), unlikely as that might be: "Firmly tell the EBE to leave you alone... Go for the EBE's eyes (if they have any)—you will not know what its other, more sensitive, areas are." Although some appendixes on strategies for packing, etc., seem boilerplate, overall this is another eminently practical, enjoyable survival guide. Watch out for those tsunamis! Illus. (May)Forecast:
The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook was a runaway bestseller. This will be, too.

April 1, 2002
In The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook
(1999), Piven, Borgenicht and Worick taught readers how to escape from quicksand and jump from bridges. It's relatively simple to calculate a shark's actions, they say, but human nature is much less predictable. Here, they tell single listeners how to get away from "Mr. or Ms. Wrong." Punctuated with cheesy synthesizer music akin to a demo on a Casio keyboard, Hamilton first gives a disclaimer—"breaking a heart is one thing; breaking the law is another"—then, in a matter-of-fact style, she tells how to deal with the hazards of romance from bars and bedrooms to airplane lavatories. As if reading from a driving manual, she tells listeners how to remove difficult articles of clothing, fake an orgasm, deal with a drunken date, handle a bad kisser and deliver a pick-up line. Wondering if your date is an axe murderer? Find out if he was sexually abused as a child and has an obsession with matches. Not sure of the gender of your date? Look at his or her hand and be suspicious of baggy clothing. Need to sober up fast? Avoid aspirin and drink lots of water. Although much of this advice sounds silly, the authors' suggestions are completely serious, and Hamilton delivers them that way, e.g., straightforwardly explaining how to spot breast implants by checking out www.implantinfo.com. Based on the Chronicle paperback.

March 1, 2003
The latest addition to this wildly popular series continues--surprisingly--to display the wit, style and plain-old smart-ass insight of its multiple predecessors. The secret to Piven's and Borgenicht's success seems to be in maintaining, at all costs, a dead-pan and practical approach to survival techniques in ever-wilder scenarios (though, considering that these are"survival" guides, wilder in this case actually means increasingly mundane). Thus, in this volume--based on the assumption that we spend"so much time in the work environment that the odds are staggering that something is going to go wrong while you are there"--the authors provide precise instructions on how to survive working in a cubicle, being trapped in a bathroom or walk-in freezer, and getting caught"slacking" ("Blame your browser" is one suggestion for habitual Web-surfers). Helpful hints on how to survive an interview are balanced with equally helpful, but funnier, tips on how to ditch a meeting ("If you are planning to crawl under the table, wear loose-fitting clothes"). From dealing with a"nightmare" boss or co-worker to escaping from a lion cage, and from removing a tie caught in a document feeder to treating a finger cut on a deli slicer (step one:"Turn off the slicer"), the authors know the secrets.