How She Died, How I Lived

September 15, 2018
Coming to terms with a brutal murder in small-town Virginia gets complicated when the unnamed narrator falls for Charlie, the victim's bereaved boyfriend.Of the five girls Kyle texted, one of whom was the protagonist, only Jamie responded. Kyle said he needed a listening ear, and Jamie was kind. After confessing to her murder, Kyle was jailed immediately. A year later, the other four girls are asked to testify at the sentencing hearing for which the death penalty is sought. Coping with her feelings is still hard for the narrator; when her relationship with Charlie turns intimate, his violent grief and hatred of Kyle threaten to destroy their romance. While the protagonist barely knew either killer or victim, she nearly responded positively to Kyle's text suggesting they get high--a near miss that haunts her during a year of agony. The female characters object to threats from boys while passively tolerating other behavior and comments that amount to sexual harassment. The protagonist's sharp eyes, wry views, and judgments are highlights, but excessive length, low stakes, and dead-end plot twists that work against suspense try readers' patience. The presence of genuine literary merit, particularly in the portrayal of intense grief, only serves to highlight aspects of the book that fall short, such as insufficient development of Kyle's character. One girl's Asian boyfriend excepted, characters are presumed white.A veneer of gravitas hides little substance. (Fiction. 14-18)

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October 15, 2018
Grades 9-12 It has been almost a year since the unnamed narrator received one of five text messages from a senior student, Kyle, asking her to hang out. Distracted by texts from her then boyfriend, she never replied. Unfortunately, Jamie did and was brutally murdered for it. Guilt over narrowly escaping the same fate as Jamie drives the narrator as she copes with last year's events and Kyle's impending trial. Shared grief puts her on a collision course with Charley, Jamie's boyfriend at the time of her murder. As the two get closer, the narrator is blindsided by an undeniable attraction to and connection with Charley. The book earnestly explores the very serious subject of trauma, but it is tempered by a passionate love story. Short interlude chapters that vary in form pepper the narrative but aren't frequent enough to make out a discernible pattern or purpose. This doesn't make the book less enjoyable, and Crockett (Dream Boy?, 2014) has crafted dynamic characters that will stick with readers long after the book is closed.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2018, American Library Association.)

July 1, 2019
A year after the brutal rape and murder of Jamie Strand, an unnamed narrator still struggles with survivor's guilt; she could have easily answered Kyle's text asking to hang out and been his victim instead. Complicating her feelings is the strong connection she feels with Charlie, Jamie's bereaved boyfriend. An often compelling but ultimately uneven exploration of tragedy and grief and the unexpected emotions they bring.

(Copyright 2019 by The Horn Book, Incorporated, Boston. All rights reserved.)

Starred review from November 1, 2018

Gr 9 Up-On a fateful July evening, Kyle Paxson texted five local girls with offers to hang out. Jamie was the only one kind enough to answer, and when she met up with him, he brutally murdered her. One year later, the unnamed narrator-one of the five girls who was texted-is still struggling with survivor's guilt. It doesn't help that Kyle's sentencing hearing is coming up. While she struggles with the knowledge that someone had premeditated her murder-Kyle was quoted as saying that he didn't care who showed up-she is also dealing with feelings for Jamie's boyfriend Charlie who has become angry, brooding, and distant after Jamie's murder. As Kyle's sentencing draws nearer, and her feelings for Charlie grow stronger, the narrator must reconcile a maelstrom of emotions. Can love and hope exist in the wake of such random and senseless violence? Crockett's first novel defies genre; it is a book about grief, acceptance, and forgiveness. Written in short, digestible chapters, the emotion-filled narration so authentically captures the traumatic experience, that the reading experience could be overwhelming for some. The writing grabs readers and never lets go. Crockett delves deep into the heart of grief and pain through her narrator, who is witty and vulnerable, making this a quick but heartrending read. VERDICT An outstanding debut that explores the deluge of emotions that follows a tragedy. Highly recommended.-Tyler Hixson, Brooklyn Public Library

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