Parenting an Only Child

July 16, 2001
Forget about Leave It to Beaver, argues Newman (Little Things Mean a Lot) in this revised edition. These days, who needs siblings? They cost more money, demand more time and clutter up the house. One child may be the perfect balance for career types who want a family, or for older parents unwilling or unable to go through another pregnancy. Newman first lays out and debunks myths about the sad lives of only children: "onlies" or "singletons" are not shy, aggressive, spoiled or maladjusted. In the book's most trying section, she presents research and testimonies from parents of only children and from "adult onlies," which are helpful but occasionally sound somewhat scripted. She often seems defensive, and sometimes attacks families with multiple children—noting, for example, that having four children is no longer "socially acceptable," or that only children see therapists more frequently simply because their parents are more attuned to their emotions. Yet discussing a case of sibling rivalry, she somewhat smugly recounts that the older child had to see a therapist because of aggression. This selectivity grates, especially later when she addresses exactly those issues that she previously dubbed myths—e.g., the spoiled child, or "little adult syndrome." Nonetheless, she expertly discusses the finer points of raising an only child, with tips for encouraging sharing, making sure your child isn't running the household and guarding against a "state-of-the-art Child" that would help any parent in our affluent, child-centered times. Though she is generally too biased to help parents who are equivocating about family size, Newman's appealing, no-nonsense delivery and solid, reassuring advice will behoove those who already know that they will have only one child.

January 1, 1990
The title of this yuppie apologia for the one-child family is a bit misleading, since Newman ( Never Say Yes to a Stranger ) has devoted only about a third of her discussion to parenting. She argues indefatigably for one-child families and explains why smaller families are now in vogue, demonstrates that children not only do not suffer but thrive in the absence of siblings, and suggests ways to cope with pressure to have another baby. Newman's reasoning can be shaky (``If it's so painful to give up the parental `love affair' with a firstborn, why do it?'') or crude (the high incidence of divorce is grounds, she claims, to stop at one child). She furthermore addresses herself primarily to the affluent, but not only working-class parents will be angered by her assumptions (``working-class families tend to be larger and lean toward competitive team sports and group activities''). When Newman gets down to the nitty-gritty of rearing a ``singleton,'' she has some wise advice about setting boundaries, balancing parenting with other interests and not pressuring the child.