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Secure Relating

Holding Your Own in an Insecure World

ebook
3 of 3 copies available
3 of 3 copies available

Experienced mental health professionals and hosts of the Therapist Uncensored podcast offer a groundbreaking new clinical perspective that integrates modern attachment theory, relational neuroscience, and current cultural context to create a hopeful framework for deeper and more permanent change, growth and connection in all types of relationships.

"This is the book to hand not just to your clients, but also to friends and family members, along with anyone who's interested in improving their relationships. Which is to say: everyone!" —Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone and co-host of the Dear Therapists podcast

Secure Relating offers a refreshing and innovative approach to understanding and improving relationships in today's increasingly polarized world. Drawing on over thirty years of professional clinical experience, authors Ann Kelley, PhD and Sue Marriott, LCSW, CGP integrate modern attachment theory, relational neuroscience, and depth psychology into practical tools for deepening self-awareness and navigating closeness with strength in even the most challenging relationships.

Instead of the popular broad attachment categorizations, Secure Relating presents a nuanced understanding of attachment and interpersonal defensive patterns, allowing readers to delve into the complexities of their own experience and apply the specific skills they need.

Kelley and Marriott make complex concepts accessible and relatable, emphasizing the realistic capacity for neural change and psychological growth. They provide contemporary concepts and interactive tools such as the Modern Attachment Regulation Spectrum, a new framework that helps readers identify their unconscious defensive patterns, update and revise their personal narratives, and cultivate a secure state of mind amid chaos and adversity.

Secure Relating delivers hope, connection, and empowerment amidst the many barriers to emotional closeness and provocations towards self-protection by offering a comprehensive approach to understanding and transforming all kinds of relationships into more secure and satisfying bonds.

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    • Kirkus

      April 15, 2024
      A survey of strategies for self-discovery. Marriott, a group psychotherapist and clinical social worker, and Kelley, a psychologist, co-host the podcast Therapist Uncensored. In this collaboration, they offer thoughtful, well-supported advice for fostering personal growth and nurturing social bonds. Identifying themselves as a white, cis-gendered, middle-aged, same-sex married couple, the authors aim to be inclusive and supportive of all readers. As they point out, people of color or those who are neurodiverse or genderqueer have been shaped by distinct, sometimes traumatic, experiences. "Plumb your various identities," the authors advise, and think about "the impact of your experiences on the protective and connective strategies you've developed, weighing their current usefulness." Drawing on modern attachment theory and relational neuroscience, Marriott and Kelley look at how unconscious defensive patterns can be transformed into conscious strengths. The Modern Attachment-Regulation Spectrum (MARS), depicted as rainbow-colored images, serves as a colorful illustration of one's state of mind, with green being a safe zone, gradations toward red indicating emotional activation, and gradations toward blue indicating defensive withdrawal. In an appendix, the authors provide a detailed analysis of the spectrum and its connection to behavior and emotion. The MARS, they write, can prove useful for readers "to recognize where you are and turn your focus toward scooting back towards the green zone rather quickly." The authors present ways to reflect on behavior, recognize patterns, and work "to pause and try different strategies," a process they call rewiring. "A secure state of mind," the authors assert, "enables you to care about, advocate for and be generous with people close to you and those you'll never meet. In this way, making the deliberate choice to prioritize secure functioning over falling back into defensive self-preservation is a powerful action that can disrupt, and even reverse" divisiveness and polarization. An encouraging guide to a healthy mindset.

      COPYRIGHT(2024) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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Languages

  • English

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