Faking It

Starred review from September 17, 2018
In this unapologetic and perceptive book, sex and pornography journalist Alptraum explores the intimate deceptions that women are accused of, including faking orgasms or their virginity; whether they use birth control; and lying about sexual experience, willingness, and assault. She reasons that—when faced with pressure to “play nice,” endure unwanted sexual attention, be somehow innocent and experienced at the same time, and live with the prevailing cultural narrative that “women are passive recipients of sexual attention and men... set the agenda”—women lie for their survival. With nods to gay and trans experience, she gleefully pokes holes in assumptions, double standards, and unreasonable expectations that affect women, among them the myth of the hymen, the fakery of “natural beauty,” and claims that women want to “baby-trap” unsuspecting men (in reality, men are more likely to practice “reproductive coercion”). Most damaging, Alptraum concludes, are the belief in a standard, one-size-fits-all template for sexual experience and the treatment of female bodies as objects. She illuminates fresh connections (for example, between a pervasive but little-discussed belief that bisexuals secretly prefer men and the significance attached to traditionally defined virginity), structures her arguments elegantly, and uses graceful chapter conclusions to lead the reader smoothly to the next topic. Forthright, provocative, and studded with irony, Alptraum’s incisive discussion calls for more flexibility, openness, conversation, and variety around sexual narratives and, most crucially, believing women.

November 1, 2018

This debut by writer and producer Alptraum starts with a brave and powerful assertion: she wanted to approach the topic of women and deceit following the election of President Donald Trump as a "particularly vicious smear campaign...that unfairly cast aspersion on our fundamental honor." Through her research interviewing women of color and members of the LGBTQ community, she saw that women do, in fact, lie--in order to make their lives easier, protect their safety, and "because no one believes us when we tell the truth." Alptraum engages with the systemic misogyny at the root of rape culture along with other deeply entrenched practices that enable and even encourage violence against women. From faking orgasms and applying filters to photos on Snapchat to issues related to consent, the author successfully argues that the lies women tell are the end effect of living in a violent, misogynist culture; they're protective strategies that often fail us more than they save us. VERDICT Alongside works such as Kate Harding's Asking for It, Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti's Yes Means Yes!, and Roxane Gay's Not That Bad, Alptraum's work announces itself as an essential part of a vital conversation.--Emily Bowles, Univ. of Wisconsin, Madison

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