Brothers, Sisters, Strangers

December 7, 2020
Chapman (Motherland) chronicles her efforts to mend a decades-long split with her older brother, Scott, in this moving tale. In 1990, when she was in her mid-30s and her brother Scott in his early 40s, Chapman writes, her brother abruptly stopped speaking to her. They didn’t communicate for two decades, until Chapman’s mother encouraged her to reach out. In reconnecting, it became clear that she and Scott, who were emotionally abused and neglected by a “tyrannical father” and an “unknowable mother” who survived the Holocaust, had to reckon with shared childhood trauma, determine whether their relationship could be saved, and reestablish trust. (As to the cause of their rift, Scott said he didn’t know why he cut things off.) The nature of sibling estrangement, Chapman writes, is different from that of estrangement from a parent, as it engenders a loss “so deep that it alters who we are and what we become” and “feels like a chronic rejection and betrayal.” Chapman’s at her best when speaking about the vulnerability required of both sister and brother to repair their relationship. This reflective tale both captivates and educates.

April 26, 2021
Journalist Chapman (Motherland) shares a deeply moving account of a decades-long rift with her only brother and how they found a path to resolution. While parental estrangement is more openly talked about, she writes, “I realized early on the disturbing nature of how others perceive a sibling rupture.” The split with her brother, Scott, happened gradually, starting in her 20s. “Hurt piled on hurt, slowly building a hard shell of separation” that kept them from speaking for 40 years, until a call from their mother brought them back together. In reconnecting, she and Scott reckoned with the shared childhood trauma caused by their distant parents. Shocked at how little literature there was on the subject of sibling reconciliation, Chapman decided to compile her own research. To that end, she weaves in interviews with psychologists and firsthand accounts from other estranged siblings, and the story becomes a hybrid of memoir and an illuminating guide to navigating estrangement. Chapman helps readers decide whether a relationship is worth saving, and how to open up communication and reestablish trust; she also tackles issues surrounding addiction, social media, and holidays. The author’s vulnerability turns what could have been a clinical look at family dysfunction into a sensitive, compassionate narrative. Even cynics will find hope in this story of redemption. Agent: Marian Young.