The Nice Girl Syndrome

Starred review from April 28, 2008
Engel (Healing Your Emotional Self
), a psychotherapist and domestic violence expert, has sharp words for the “nice girls” of the world who care more about being perceived as sweet and pleasant than strong and self-protective. Drop the phoniness and passivity, she exhorts, arguing that while society superficially rewards nice girls, they suffer deeply in their intimate and work relationships by losing personal power and parading inauthentic selves. Avoiding conflict and playing naïve may seem to offer payoffs, Engel notes, but the payoffs aren't as big as the price women pay for not holding their ground—“They may get taken care of but they aren't respected. They may get special attention but from the wrong kind of people.” Readers will find Engel's elucidation of the four causes of “Nice Girl Syndrome” and the “Seven Types of Nice Girls” (i.e., Doormat, Pretender, Prude, Enlightened One) deeply funny and familiar. Most useful for its thorough treatment for how “nice girls” are socialized and for Engel's concise antidote (the four “Power C's”: confidence, competence, conviction and courage) this book will challenge, entertain and empower its readers.